Burns

Cigarettes and coffee…

The shopping list gets shorter every day and I tell myself I’ll stop smoking.

Pick up the list, the jacket and go, with the taste of bile still in my mouth and the knuckles red from anger.

Anger.

You know how they say we feel our emotions somewhere in the body? Well I carry my anger on my back, right a the base of my neck. Is a warmth starting right from there and carrying to my shoulders until is too hot to ignore it.

Burning.

And burning I go to the shop and get my cigarettes, only they don’t have my brand so I settle for whatever they have, it burns.

And the coffee machine doesn’t work so I get instant coffee even if I have a coffee machine at home, the coffee machine at home makes such weak coffee, it takes 3 pods to make it how I like it, it burns.

So I go, pay and leave only to come back for a lighter cause mine is out of lighter fluid and I swear someone hates me cause the shop doesn’t have any fluid, it keeps on burning.

Finally I make my way home, smoking a cigarette I don’t even like, I smoke for the taste and this is not the taste, but I still smoke it, and my skin burns even hotter.

Boots off, jacket off, weak ass coffee and a taste of shitty cigarette in my mouth and I repeat the process: Cold shower, music, games…anything to stop the burning but it doesn’t go away.

So I go to bed, I go to bed burning and I don’t sleep, I lay there looking at the dark of my ceiling, burning.

I get up in the middle of the night and pace, burning and I keep on doing things, anything, everything so when it finally is morning I’m so tired that the fire is no more than some smoldering coals and I finally go to sleep.

The world wakes up and I go to sleep knowing I will wake up burning again.

It’s difficult to keep your world from burning when all you have is flames.